9.20pm Enter the Brunel Rooms. Club owner Barry Reid shows us the bogs. "Aren't these the cleanest toilets you've ever seen?" Uh-huh
10.30pm We find promoter Stephen Reid [right] in his office eyeing his CCTV screen. "That's a Swindon Town footballer!" he cries. "What's he doing here?" Well, from the looks of it, he's trying to snog the face off that young lady
11.10pm It's drum n' bass and hardcore in the top room, house down below, with DJs like Nicky Blackmarket and Mike Cosford. The crowd is split too: lightsticks and trainers upstairs, shape-throwers and little dresses downstairs
11.30am The hardcore upstairs is strangely fun. Bouncy bouncy bouncy. Get given two lightsticks by Camilla on the rave novelty stall, but I don't know how to get them started. "Ooh, I can tell you're not a raver," she says. Shamed, we head off for Bath
Mike Cosford on The Fruit Club
"I've been playing down here for a long time now, every couple of months or so, and I can't ever remember a bad night. They re-did the house room a few years back, and it holds four to five hundred bangin', up-for-it people. You can play everything from smooth house through to hard, trancey stuff, and they'll come with you."