9.30pm Meet at the very bleak Maidstone East train station. Bear right at the concrete sheep, do a left and hey presto a club in an industrial estate. Do a bit of the progressive house 'wriggly wrist' dance by the bar and wish I was wearing leather trousers. It's an old skool classics night, you see. Then promoter Sergio surprises us by getting his bits out and then tearing them off. Aha, the old fake knob gag
11.40pm Half an hour of madness brought on by a 'classics of '96/'97' set 'Professional Widow' and 'Higher State Of Consciousness' go down a storm. Spot two girls doing yo-yo tricks on the dancefloor. Yo-yos are the new feather boas, don'tcha know
12am Trip over sweaty casualty lying on the floor near the door. Meanwhile someone has written "Bonkers cocaine nutjob" on the wall. No idea why. Leave and head for Brighton. After a brief stop at the early-closing Legends Of The Dark Black, we end up at The Zap