And no-one in El Divino is going to let England's exit from the World Cup tonight get them down. When asked about the football, Emma, a 21-year-old salesperson from Solihull, has it about right: "What football? I didn't watch it. I was getting dressed wasn't I? It takes me hours to get ready." Fair enough.
Strange, in such a super-stylish setting, to find Farley 'Jackmaster' Funk (Chicago's original house warmer) dropping sweaty house on the main dancefloor; all rumbling basslines and hectic, layered chords. But the beautiful people have dressed up to get down and the room's soon heaving. So we're in Ibiza? That's no reason to lose the feather boa now is it?
It's a shame the El Divino dancefloor is so nooks 'n crannyish, with no obvious space to strut your stuff. Sometimes the crowd forces you up against the oh-so-tasteful bar and, though you might want to be a boogie tramp, you feel like you ought to be drinking macro-biotic cocktails with Mick Jagger, discussing his new diet and his fatherly worries for Jade, the black sheep of the family who's determined to get naked in Manumission. Come to think of it, last time I was in El Divino I did end up chatting to Queen's Roger Taylor about the price of a 60-footer. It's just that kind of place.
Enough of the ageing rockers. Moneypenny's opening at El Divino bodes well for the next few months, especially for anyone in need of respite from the beer boys hanging out down in San Antonio. Of course, there's the odd crease to iron out: the VIP lounge was guarded by a jobsworth PIV (that's Prick In Velour); and then there's the sight of Wobble's Phil Gifford pissing himself laughing in the back room after he's been paid to stop playing. But the music was hot, the crowd even hotter and the summer looks rosy. If I hear one more person on this island say 'It's not as good as it used to be', I'll string them up by their Balearics. Moneypenny's is as good as ever. And it's only going to get better.
DJs:Farley 'Jackmaster' Funk, Jim 'Shaft' Ryan, Phil Gifford, Symon Sun
Top Tune: Mousse T Vs Hot N' Juicy, 'Horny' (AM:PM)
Crowd: Glam girls in glasses, boys in Ben Sherman
Happiness: Sunrise over Puerto Ibiza
Sadness: David Beckham. 'Nuff said
Disco verdict: Ibiza uncovered MMM
August dates: Graeme Park, Jim 'Shaft' Ryan (4th), Farley 'Jackmaster' Funk, Jim 'Shaft' Ryan (11th), David Morales, Jim 'Shaft' Ryan (18th) Lord G, Jim 'Shaft' Ryan (25th)