The Job Club

What's the best job in clubland: looking after Judge Jules's diary or owning the fucking club? And the worst? Try dealing with drunks in a Cardiff cloakroom. Or varnishing the floor of The Gallery. It's not all glamour, y'know. So how come this lot are still smiling? Writers: Juliet Wills & Alexis Petridis

job club
The Door Picker
What could be easier than flouncing about in a frock, telling people to sod off?
Name: Chrissie Darling
Job: Door picker at Miss Moneypenny's in Birmingham.
Pay: "Too much!"
Hours worked: "9.30pm-2.30am every Saturday, and irregular hours at Chuff Chuff."
Job highs: "The men. I met this bloke with his girlfriend. He was giving it the old 'Grunt grunt, I'm straight'. Within ten minutes he asked me if he could put his knob in my mouth. I said no because I'd just put Chanel lipstick on."
Job lows: "They've got girlfriends. And the cold. You're out there in seven inch heels chattering away and wishing you'd brought your coat."
Job requirements: "I know it sounds like an old cliché but you've got to be a bit round the twist."
How come you're doing this for a living? "I just evolved into it. I suppose I like dressing up and that."
Career prospects: "Who knows? Ibiza's coming up at the moment and there's loads of travelling..."
Job satisfaction rating: Offers of sex? Nice wardrobe? The job gets a throughly OTT (5)

job club The Cloakroom Attendant
If you've lost yer ticket, you'll have to wait...
Name: Debbie Bryan
Job: Cloakroom attendant at Emporium, Cardiff.
Pay: "I can't tell you really, but it's good money, better than working in a shop."
Hours worked: "I do Tuesday, Friday and Saturdays, from 9.30pm until after 2.30am, sometimes until 4.30am. It depends what's on."
Job highs: "I get to meet loads of people and at the start of the night they're in a good mood and really friendly. I love it!"
Job lows: "At the end of the night people can be drunk and a bit irritating, but it's nothing I can't deal with."
Job requirements: Patience. You've got people trying to put their coats in, but they can't find their money, people who keep coming back to get things out of their coats..."
How come you're doing this for a living? "I started out because I needed extra money for college. I did the courses and stayed on because I enjoy it."
Career prospects: "I get to go on reception or work on the floor. There's always a chance of a good position with a bit more experience, but I'm perfectly happy doing the cloakroom.
Job satisfaction rating: She says (5). She's barmy!

job club The Club Owner
Swannin' about like he owns the place... oh, he does
Name: Richard Carr
Job: Owner of Slinky in Bournemouth.
Pay: "I don't draw much from the business because I made a lot of money a few years ago."
Hours worked: "All of them. I'm a workaholic. This year's holiday is the Winter Music Conference in Miami. I'm taking some of the staff as a Christmas bonus."
Job highs: "Succeeding in a tough business. I've also put Bournemouth on the map as far as clubbing goes - I've owned almost all the clubs in town at one time or other."
Job lows: "It's a very extreme business - very black or white, great or terrible. One thing that will remain imprinted on my brain is the sight of Jeremy Healy bending over to pick up a record while wearing a kilt. May I never witness anything like that again!"
Job requirements: "You'll never get on without being determined."
How come you're doing this for a living? "I sold my restaurants for £18 million in 1990. I bought my first club in 1986, formed a public company in 1994, sold that, went off the rails, got divorced, woke up on January 1st 1996 and thought, 'Fuck me, I've got to get my act together'. So I bought Slinky and now I'm back kicking ass!"
Career prospects: "President of the USA?"
Job satisfaction rating: A very well off (5)

Job Club continue


	The Door Picker What could be easier than flouncing about in a frock, telling people to sod off? Name: Chrissie Darling Job: Door picker at Miss Moneypenny's in Birmingham. Pay: "Too much!" Hours worked: "9.30pm-2.30am every Saturday, and irregular hours at Chuff Chuff." Job highs: "The men. I met this bloke with his girlfriend. He was giving it the old 'Grunt grunt, I'm straight'. Within ten minutes he asked me if he could put his knob in my mouth. I said no because I'd just put Chanel lipstick on." Job lows: "They've got girlfriends. And the cold. You're out there in seven inch heels chattering away and wishing you'd brought your coat." Job requirements: "I know it sounds like an old cliché but you've got to be a bit round the twist." How come you're doing this for a living? "I just evolved into it. I suppose I like dressing up and that." Career prospects: "Who knows? Ibiza's coming up at the moment and there's loads of travelling..." Job satisfaction rating: Offers of sex? Nice wardrobe? The job gets a throughly OTT (5)

	The Cloakroom Attendant If you've lost yer ticket, you'll have to wait... Name: Debbie Bryan Job: Cloakroom attendant at Emporium, Cardiff. Pay: "I can't tell you really, but it's good money, better than working in a shop." Hours worked: "I do Tuesday, Friday and Saturdays, from 9.30pm until after 2.30am, sometimes until 4.30am. It depends what's on." Job highs: "I get to meet loads of people and at the start of the night they're in a good mood and really friendly. I love it!" Job lows: "At the end of the night people can be drunk and a bit irritating, but it's nothing I can't deal with." Job requirements: Patience. You've got people trying to put their coats in, but they can't find their money, people who keep coming back to get things out of their coats..." How come you're doing this for a living? "I started out because I needed extra money for college. I did the courses and stayed on because I enjoy it." Career prospects: "I get to go on reception or work on the floor. There's always a chance of a good position with a bit more experience, but I'm perfectly happy doing the cloakroom. Job satisfaction rating: She says (5). She's barmy!

	The Club Owner Swannin' about like he owns the place... oh, he does Name: Richard Carr Job: Owner of Slinky in Bournemouth. Pay: "I don't draw much from the business because I made a lot of money a few years ago." Hours worked: "All of them. I'm a workaholic. This year's holiday is the Winter Music Conference in Miami. I'm taking some of the staff as a Christmas bonus." Job highs: "Succeeding in a tough business. I've also put Bournemouth on the map as far as clubbing goes - I've owned almost all the clubs in town at one time or other." Job lows: "It's a very extreme business - very black or white, great or terrible. One thing that will remain imprinted on my brain is the sight of Jeremy Healy bending over to pick up a record while wearing a kilt. May I never witness anything like that again!" Job requirements: "You'll never get on without being determined." How come you're doing this for a living? "I sold my restaurants for £18 million in 1990. I bought my first club in 1986, formed a public company in 1994, sold that, went off the rails, got divorced, woke up on January 1st 1996 and thought, 'Fuck me, I've got to get my act together'. So I bought Slinky and now I'm back kicking ass!" Career prospects: "President of the USA?" Job satisfaction rating: A very well off (5)